".......and they have taken her to A & E ......."

The camp was apparently fantastic for the first 6 days....... then came the mountain biking activity and as per a previous blog, riding is a SERIOUS business.  At least she would have had her helmet on, fitted properly and strapped up, feet in position, hands at ten to two.......

She crashed!  In spectacular fashion!  Apparently landing on the bottom of the pile, under another child (miraculously unhurt) and two bikes (one wreaked beyond repair)  and mostly on her face.  On the road.

The school rang doing their best to be calm when they knew nothing about her damage, after all we ARE talking 'one egg, one basket' stuff,  be careful when you talk to the parent of an only child!!!!!

She was checked out, no breaks, teeth okay, slight concussion and released back into their care for one more night.  The staff, bless them,  woke her every hour and she was obviously okay when I spoke briefly to her in our code "how are you on a scale of 1 to 10?"  Since she has been little this is our secret code to tell me how she is feeling without anyone else knowing.  ( 1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest)

Her monotone voice told me "9"
Jeez are you for real??????  You just crapped off a bike, have concussion and your abrasions didn't need stitches???? Don't you need me?????
"Okay, so you are okay?"
"Mum" came the flat voice "I told you, I am okay, its a 9"

She arrived home the next day.

When I saw her, sitting in the chair at home I couldn't believe the damage.  She looked like the son in the Cher movie 'Mask' (google images and find out!!!)  She was so swollen on the right that you couldn't even see the beginnings of her black eye and the reason she was monotone was that her lips were so swollen that she couldn't move them and vaguely, she resembled Angelina (only more beautiful and more moral)

She ate for two days through straws!

She hobbled round that house on bent knee and sore elbow.  She was a trooper!

What is the teenage irony, I hear you scream???

Had it happened to me I would have been on a Zimmer frame for months if not years!  We are not even two weeks later and she looks amazing!  Only a couple of pink spots on her face where the scabs have healed!!  Back to rowing, back to running, back to normal.

My basket has one tough egg!

Many a Twix

Many a Twix

 

Alex is away at camp this week.  She had a list of things that she needed which included the treats (many and varied) that were essential and in actual fact the difference between life and death for any budding teenage camper.  Several times last week, I was reminded by email and text to make sure I remembered to pick them up.

Of course, being Mother of the Year, I did remember.  The down side was that I had to go to a meeting in the evening prior to camp and left Alex and one of her friends here, alone, with the loot.  This loot included a mini pack of Snickers and a mini pack of Twix.

Clearly Twix were the favourite!

When I got home, late!!!  The kids were in bed.  The first Twix packet (empty of course!!) that I found, was just inside the door, the second, on the floor next to the sink.  A further 3 almost in the rubbish bin, but not quite. 'Aim accurately', means nothing.

I sat down with a glass of wine- yet another empty Twix packet down the side of the chair, I put my wine down and low and behold, stun me maybe?! A Twix packet on the coffee table.  I picked up my laptop, oh my Lord!  What is this?  Surely not another empty Twix packet???

It went on.  It  did not make me happy.

There is a beautiful irony as I am discovering, that lies in all teenage hell interactions.

 The next morning when I asked 'why wasn't the dinner (I had slaved over and organised the night before when sleep, for me, would have been a far better option!) eaten?'

"Oh, Mum we just weren't hungry"

Seriously???!!!

I've Cleaned My Floordrobe...

The bedroom is becoming an issue.

No!  Cancel that!  The bedroom is a source of bio-hazard to rivals areas evacuated of human existence due to toxicity levels!

I apparently, have yet to learn that the best place for a new (or borrowed from mother) item of clothing is the floordrobe.  The advantages are that you can basically see a part of each item so if you want it, you can find it.  The floordrobe can also be used to disguise things on the floor you do not want found, such as stray food packets, ink stains on the carpet, cracks forming from seismic movement or refugee families kicked out of Australia and use to residing in small, stinky spaces.

Ironing?  Magically done by feet moving over items of clothing and also done by heavier items sitting on top- school bags, sports shoes, fallen chairs......

The downside of a floordrobe is that a whole ecosystem can exist underneath the floordrobe and until it is disturbed, it remains harmoniously multiplying and leaving evidence of its lifespan.

Recently I decided to conduct an archeological dig and locate the missing school PE shorts that I had several times, provided bland excuse notices for to the PE teacher.  It was a battle and at the end of it I had a (mostly) charcoal carpet and 3 rubbish bags to show for it, well that and a smile that rivaled Mona Lisa!  Yes, it is true!  She had just cleaned her kids room and was too frightened by what she had found to be truly happy!  Secrets of the ages revealed between mothers!

The elation was short-lived "Gasp! - I like my room like that, what have you done?  I can't find anything now."  and this was the best and most rewarding part "WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?"

Okay mean!  But satisfied. (and on an economic level, protecting my asset- the carpet I mean!!!)

There Is Nothing to Eat...

I really don't understand how a completely stocked pantry can be the source of starvation angst.  Our pantry is so full, it could actually feed a small nation for several months!

She will often stand in the pantry,  surrounded by food of all sorts and lament 'there is NEVER anything to eat'.  Translation- "I want something nice, preferably chocolate, to put in my mouth, without having to actually DO anything to it".

Another regular I get is 'there is nothing to take for lunch'-  see translation above.   The other day I said 'What about sandwiches?  You could also have some crackers and cheese, a few nuts, although be careful, you are what you eat! (an oldie, but a goodie).  There is yogurt in the fridge....."
"I don't like any of those things!  Anyway if I did, they would get smushed in my bag and I can't take a lunchbox because it takes up too much room"   Translation- just give in Mum and give me some money for the tuckshop.

Another guilt inducing statement is "All my friends Mothers make their lunch for them, they always have really nice lunches and they have little surprises too"    My reply- "Aren't you lucky, when you grow up, you will be organised and able to manage yourself without me there!  I am training you for the future and I am doing such a good job!"  Translation- I don't really care and I am not going to make your lunch. 

Won't matter what I say because it and only produces a withering glare which doesn't inspire me to suddenly decide to make her lunch.

And....... don't get me started on "Why don't you take a boiled egg..???  Apparently that would be social death.

Can I Drive?

Several months before the learners permit, we bought a car for Alex to drive. Mainly because our cars were not the sort of cars you were happy to grace with a dent or scratch or two. The car was a manual, a groovy little Rav. I rather fancied it myself actually.

'Can I drive?" became the catch cry and once she had her learners, it was hard to find excuses why she could not. Perhaps I could use the driving at 40kph on the open road? Perhaps it is the cutting corners and expecting a crunch? It could be the taking the curb at that massive speed of 40 kph, (still causes a bit of a lurch, but God forbid if you laugh) Or perhaps it is slowing down and making 'arrrrrgggghhh' noises every time a bird was on the road? All beautiful and accurate excuses, I don't know, I should be more cool.......

Still I say "yeah, sure" through gritted teeth and a forced smile. When Alex learned to ride her bike, at 4, it was with both hands on the handlebars, helmet exactly in position, back straight, cautious hand on the brake, eyes everywhere and a deathly serious face. Driving is much the same- arms straight, neck stretched, seatbelt firm, conversation limited to instruction about driving........

Last week she thought it was timely to take Granddad for a drive in the Rav. I suggested that today, (following that exceptional corner where she was going too fast, hit the centre island and then took the curb on the other side and crossed the middle line on the other side of the road) was not the best day for driving, perhaps another time....... After all, he is 77!

I know it is a rite of passage to terrify your parents but I am now clear, for the first time in my adult life.............THIS IS THE REASON I DIDN'T HAVE 5 KIDS!

A Glimpse!

A glimpse!

Tonight I had a late meeting and afterward, when I got to our road, it was blocked. Alex was home alone and when the road finally opened, at 10.45, I made it home. The first thing I did (after turning every light in the house off) was to check on her. I went into her room and she rolled over, still sound asleep and gave me the most beautiful smile in the world. I know she is in there somewhere!

Late September

Late September.....
It is school holidays and my perfect child has since turned 15. I left her at home whilst I went to work and feeling very much under the weather, left her with jobs to do. Perhaps I wasn't clear, although I do remember ringing and discussing not crashing the vacuum cleaner against the wall when cleaning. I arrived home over 9 hours later, expecting to see something.... anything that looked like an attempt to even try to contribute.

I was disappointed.

She was due to go away for a few days about an hour from when I got home. What could I say? "My gosh, your straightened hair looks shiny and beautiful. i also see you have had time to paint your nails, looking great, that shade of black is the real you. Oh, and I forgot to mention this new look with the make up is something quite special."


NO as always, I took the easy path and said NOTHING. Please believe me..... it is coming, oh Lord, I can feel it on the tips of my fingers, the end of my tongue and in my oh so needed accelerator foot.

Every dog has its day........

That Is Uncool (TIU)

Oh my God, I am so uncool!

I remember my mother telling me that parents, especially mothers, go through a patch where they are VERY uncool. I am able to now narrow down the reasons that I am UNCOOL. Here is a start.........

1. Don't park here Mum, that is UNCOOL. (TIU)
2. Don't say that Mum TIU.
3. Are you talking like a Principal Mum? TIU (for God sake! 20 years as princ is going to make it my first response!)
4. Don't wear that Mum, TIU (well, if I wore short short, with tights and off the shoulder t-shirts with different socks and the boots, I would draw looks and likely, suggestions of psychiatric assessment. So who is uncool???)
5. Can we change radio stations? TIU ( I just want to hear the News!!!! I AM turning into my Dad)
6 Don't sing Mum, TIU ( I thought if I knew the words of remakes of old songs I would be REALLY cool- but apparently not!)
7. Don't kiss me Mum, TIU. (Yeah right! I know when it is bed time and I try to leave.........) (she is in there somewhere! I've seen it!!! )

There will be more. This is a thesis type study. Perhaps I can get funding from a University to do this research? I can do a masters on Things Mothers Do that are NOT COOL!

The Staring Boy

For many months there has been a young man, who attends the same school as Alex who waits at the shop for the same bus that she catches. I first noticed him when he scoped the car and stared for the whole time while Alex got her gear out. It has continued now all year. After a while I told her about 'the staring boy' and got the expected 'ewwww, gross!"
Doesn't rule him out, but it was about what I expected.
i seem to see him other places too "Hey, look Al, there is the staring boy" It always produces the same response "Muuummmm!" a slight tone of threat, coupled with bored irritation.

I have watched him for months and smiled to myself about him most mornings. This morning however, I had an epiphany! Alex was not with me and I had to stop at the shop. The staring boy, stared. He didn't stop looking when he must have realised that Alex as not there. My new theory is that it is not Alex he is staring at, it is ME! The staring boy is staring at ME!

That is my new theory and I can't wait to share it with her!

I Kissed a Ghoul

Today, or should I say right now, today I am the best mother in the world. I spent hours trying to get 3 Katy Perry tickets and finally managed to get the second show as the first and only show sold out in 30 minutes! All that effort and all I know is she 'kissed a ghoul and she liked it'?

Driving....

Learning to drive! Holy Crap! With grey hair!! And actually she is quite good but my nerves need no more shattering. Even with my patient, even, quiet voice I am accused of being 'uncool' and frightening her every time I do a sharp intake of breath. Even when I lean early on the corner, the car doesn't respond. I might be a control freak???????

Sorry Mum

1st November, 2010

I rang my mother today and said that I absolutely apologise for all the times I may have been rude or mean to her and I am very sorry. Her answer was "you were dear." That didn't help. I don't remember it like that.......

Some Days You Just Forget Stuff.....

20th October, 2010

You know those days when you should have just NOT got out of bed?

Had one of those last week. The day had been bad, no one at work made me smile. Had a staff meeting at the end of the day that felt rather bumpy. As the meeting went on I realised my cellphone was not with me and I needed to text the teenager and tell her where to get off the bus. The meeting went on.........

Eventually, I escaped only to find my phone was sitting in the sun with a scary message that said 'TOO HOT!!' Had to cool it before I could use it. Text ( in perfect English, as is my habit) " I will meet you at the Bakery". "ohk" was the reply.

Got into my car and drove and as you can when driving, zoned out. Completely!

Was just short of Mum and Dads place when I realised I HAD FORGOTTEN TO COLLECT ALEX!!!!"

I dropped a 180 that would have impressed a boy racer and sped back to the meeting point, conjuring excuses for arriving from the wrong direction and being very late. When I arrived she was no where to be seen. I phoned.
"Where are you?"
"At the Bakery!"
"So am I. I can't see you....."
"Mum! I saw you drive right past!"
Bugger! no point in the excuses!
"Well....... I'm here now.....??????"

She threw her bag in the backseat and hopped in the front. Too angry, it would seem to go with the usual opening of "I'm hungry, got any food?"
"Mum, you left me there, you drove right past. I could have been raped by a homeless person"
I had no reply....... it didn't matter.
"A homeless person with AIDS, Mum"
"Well" I said, faking cheerfulness I didn't feel "it is likely if they are homeless they won't be healthy enough to actually be able to rape you"
"Oh great" came the immediate reply "you left me there, on the side of the road, in South Auckland, to be raped by a homeless person. With AIDS. Who can't get an erection! Great Mum! You drove right past me!"

It was a no win. I still cringe when I hear her mention things like 'erections' and I was snookered. Best to shut up and take what was inevitably coming my way. No real need for further explanation.