The Fine Art of Advertising in Buenos Aires

Around the city I have discovered the fine art of advertising.  Where ever you walk in the central city are business card sized advertisments for a particular style of entertainment.  These come with pictures of the young ladies in various poses, most of which are on the dodgy to okay side of things, however, there is one particular "postit note" (huh!!  postit- could be spanish for what they are showing??? only its not that.)  anyway- one has a very, very up close and personal shot VERY!!  Did I say very?

This woman must not only be busy at night, but also during the day time because her....   is everywhere.  We saw someone putting the postits up on the wall and they run a glue stick down any surface and stick these on. By the hundreds, along walls, poles, rubbish bins (how appropriate) Don´t park your car for too long!!  Don´t stand still for too long......

Funny though, Buenos Aires is very Catholic and we saw this very well dressed older lady ripping them off the wall with much wringing of hands and crossing herself and praying under her breath and rolling her eyes skyward.  I was actually half tempted to stop and help her because no one really needs to see that... over.... and over.... and over.

Worse!!  What if one comes off the wall and gets stuck to your shoe and you take it home and go through customs and.....

Or the men who may go home with one of those fallen off a shoe, into a suitcase for their wife to unpack!

Well quite some explaining anyway

Wanted: One Plumber.

When we arrived last week, first thing we did was went for a walk around the city of Buenos Aires.  One of the streets close to the Sheraton is closed to traffic and is about 10 blocks of shops and arcades.  The footpath is mosaic style concrete paving stones and seriously, the whole thing has seen better days.  There seems to be no concerns about broken pieces, dips and hollows and it appears in places like an earthquake has been through. 

One the first night we walked past a drain that was releasing raw sewage into the walk road.  It was pretty gross because it flowed to the middle of the footpath area and into a grated drain.  We have walked past it a few times since and today, now one whole week, it remains.......  untouched, unfixed and generally ignored by the passersby.  Perhaps I might organise a protest group to get some action??

Also on the first night, I decided to take a bath (even though I had been careful NOT to walk in anything)  The bath was duly poured and had and my clothes sat on the marble tiled floor in the bathroom.  I hopped out and pulled the plug and was drying myself when I felt this warm whisper of movement around my feet.  My clothes had not discovered a life of their own,  the floor waste was burbling forth the contents of the bathtub!   It has threatened a few times since but this morning when showering it once again didn´t cope and by the time I got out, the water was out the door and sneaking toward the window!!

And the worst part- we are on the 16th floor!!!!!!  Those rooms further down must be just about filled up with water if gravity is not taking it away from that height!!

Money, money, money...

The money here in Argentina is really interesting and really confusing!  They use the Argentean peso and also US dollar are accepted currency only they have totally different values!!  Prices are generally written in pesos so a big Mac is $58 (I know this how.....) but you can also pay in US which depending on the mood of the vendor has been anything from 3.8 to 6 for an exchange rate!  They love the US because it is undeclared and don't trust the banks because in 2001 the banks were frozen and they couldn't get their money out.  They also have a huge counterfeit problem and there are hawkers on the street that will exchange your money, but you also might lose the lot to fake dollars!  We don't know what rate they offer but apparently it is pretty good.  So to buy a simple item, you first convert pesos to US dollars once you know the vendors rate, then you convert that to NZ dollars so you can work out if you are getting ripped.  Then you decide if you want it and if you don't, often the rate changes down and you do the whole calculation again- well I don't obviously, Maths not my strong point.  The human calculator does it in his head while they are still opening the drawer to get a calculator out!

Doggy Daycare

In Buenos Aires, there are heaps and heaps of the most beautiful parks with amazing fountains and statues and memorials.  They are ornate and totally over the top with marble and bronze and cherubs galore.  We walked the city today with a guide and she took us to some places we had not discovered in our travels.  She told us that many of the statues are not as they had previously been because when the economy crashed in 2001, much of the bronze was stolen and sold for money. 

Most of the play equipment, statues and sometimes even trees have fences around them to rival what The Gardens School could use to keep those pesky kids off the roof.

Part of these parks include a huge, fenced, grassless dedication to the canine of the family.  The guide told us that is was not a sweatshop for dogs to manufacture poop, more a creche for neurotic apartment dogs to gossip ( gossip???  who´s got time? Get a job, I say!!!).  They get walked there by the hundreds, all by one person whose job it is to walk them.  They then get released into doggy creche and they run round like mad things shouting, rolling, sniffing butts, trying to tempt others to play and generally creating havoc.  The dog walkers have the best of it because they sit around and watch the dogs playing and generally chat (gossip again!!!??)

These dogs are every breed imaginable and I know how all these breed came to be- someone invented doggy creche!  Along with other things that dogs like to do, there was a certain element of ´frisky´behaviour and HEY PRESTO a new breed is born!!  Move over Labradoodle, now meet the mongresatian or the Old Englmastif.  I have photos.  Hell, I better rephrase that.....
  I have pictures of the hundreds of dogs behind the fences playing. 





I have photos of the walkers surrounded by their many and varied charges. I may even have a photo of the dog in a pink tutu that we saw, I say may as it is very likely one of the 4 million people who live in this city or the extra 2 million that stay here during the week could have walked in front!!!!!

Mayhem is normal.

I have just seen the funniest thing that I seriously think could only happen in a Latin American country.  As we walked back to our hotel we could see people with flags and banners in the park opposite our hotel.  We could hear some drums and a few tooty numbers and maybe 50 people and though it must be some sort of celebration?

We came up to our room on the 16 th floor and could clearly see the party.  On one side of the park is an 8 lane road which becomes 10 lanes in rush hour (not enough lanes here today??? Just drive up the curb then...). In front is 4 lanes one way meeting a curved road with a further 4 lanes.  The traffic is diabolical and I will never moan about Auckland traffic again!!

Anyway, back to the story.  The 50 ish people waving flags and banners and following the drummer start off across the park heading for the road. A lone cop on a motorbike tries to control the situation but as the march moves on to the road he senses a losing battle, so stops his bike in the middle of the road and settles in to have a smoke.  The traffic coming up the road has to stop as the 8 or 10 buses at the front of the line pull up.  That road quickly fills with stopped traffic and the 4 lanes form back across the intersection with the 10 lane road.  Vehicles begin to back up that side of the park and affect the adjoining intersection.  In the meantime the small number of marchers have reached the curve road and begin to walk along- all in peak traffic.  Behind them for blocks is chaos of vehicles and toots and general mayhem, all stopped by one cop, his bike and a smoke.
The photos I took fail to do justice!

I am yet to figure out what the protest was all about?  Citizens for less road noise?.

The Other Side

We were offered the opportunity to scoot across to Uraguay today, so we booked in and left early this morning.  The trip involved going out through immigration, then getting on a ferry (think inter islander) traveling the 40km across the river to Uraguay.  The point between Buenos Aires and Colonia is the shortest and as the Rio De La Plata heads toward the sea, it gets huge!

The water is a grotty, dirty color, like our rivers in flood and you would swear you were heading out into the sea because you can't see the other side.

Colonia Del Sacramento is really interesting as it had been a point of conflict between Portugal and Spain for many years with both sides controlling the region at different times.  The buildings in the area reflect this with both controlling groups using the others buildings, then building more or simply adding on, only for the hands of power to change - 5 times!!!!  There are the remains of an old city and a fort which is now World heritage list and they are slowly repairing bits.  You can tell the streets that were built by the Spanish because they have a channel up the middle where all the water etc flows and then drains away and the ones built by Portugal are humped and the channels run down the sides.

You can see in the photo how different the two types of buildings are.  

The population of Colonia is only 25000 people and from what we saw, Uraguay is glaringly different to this side of the river, more gentle perhaps?









We saw the remains of the first wharf which was built by an Argentean man who then shipped heaps of stuff in, built a house and casino and bullring, then bought people from Argentina to holiday there. It was very successful until the Uraguay Government banned bull fighting and took control of gambling.  The bull ring remains standing but is in need of repair.  They do plan to fix it up and use it for a concert venue. They are after 30 million US if anyone is feeling flush?

We have just arrived back in Buenos Aires and it is getting on toward 7 pm.  The sun is still up and the roads still choka with the traffic of people commuting home.

ABs Q&A with Dai.

Yesterday we went to a 'insiders guide to the All Blacks' held at the Sheraton, where
we are staying.  Six All Blacks came and were a panel for Q and A with Dai Henwood as MC.
It was very well done and nicely informal, with supporters questions being asked.  The A Bs were Richie, Sam Cane, Kieran Reid, Luke Ramano, Adam Thomson and my personal favorite Conrad Smith.

They were pretty excited that I was going to be there as well.

This afternoon we walked up through a shopping district of Buenos Aires that was heavily into leather goods and tourist stuff. The guide told us we would be better off now that people were back at work because it would be safer from pick pockets and from bag snatchers. A couple of people on tour have been done over and apparently one guy got some horrible brown goo squirted on his back and he stopped and some kids came forward with water and tissues and proceeded to fleece him. We reckon any goo gets chucked on us and we circle like banchees and attack.  Ian reckons knowing our luck we will attack some poor old fulla after a bird lets go on us!

On every corner is a hawker trying to push you toward their shop.  You reach out and take their card and you are history!  As New Zealanders we are way too polite so now I have got to the aloof raise of a hand in a stop gesture stage and I make a face that says don't mess with me, but the language barrier probably makes it look more 'oh crap another of these people I don't understand'.  The funniest today was a lady that I thought was a leather hawker and she rushed forward and spoke in garbled Spanish and really fast!  When I looked at the card she was trying to give me, it was a naked, buxom woman.  I am torn between she was asking me to join a club where I would fit right in or a family member is missing and if I get snatched for the white slave trade, keep an eye out for her!  Or even worse!  She did eye up Ian as she passed the card over...

Secrets, Slums and Ice

We have just been to the All Blacks training at a secret location somewhere out in the burbs of Argentina.  Not sure why it needed to be so secret as I have no idea which direction is which.  I know how to find the bus and that is all I need.  Turns out is was at a private school somewhere past shanty towns and slums and then magically the accommodation changes to lovely homes.  Everything has bars on the windows, even the houses in what I imagine is the suburbs.  Very little lawn area and the houses are really close.  Our guide said there are 14 million people and another 2 million commute daily to work in Buenos Aires.  It is very cold here today and there is an icy wind.  I might just need to go and buy some warm leather or something like that......
More to come (as long as internet holds up....)

I've never seen so much in my life!!

I'd like to say zeros in my bank account but.......sadly not.  Something far less useful, spendable and something that sticks more to your shoe.

Everyone has dogs.  Even the homeless people have dogs!  We saw one that had bags of dog food and 3 dogs, who all actually looked quite well feed, unlike the owner...  We saw a person this morning being dragged across the road by her large dog and then the dog used a tree for what must have been 2 minutes.  Poor apartment dogs!!!  there is a law that you can only walk 8 dogs at any one time.  8!  Argenteans dont care much for the law so i am on a quest to get a photo of the MOST dog walker.  Ian reckons he has seen one with about 20!

It sadly is not dogs that I have never seen so much of, it is their by product. Honestly it is EVERYWHERE. If they were more technological, I would invent an app that locates and warns about dog mines on the ground and I imagine I could see more zeros in my bank account!!

Thank the Lord that Bear doesn't live here. 

Post For Alex

Alex, today I bought a vivid to get Mahe Drysdale and Juliet Haig to sign your rowing shirt. Can you imagine asking for a vivid pen in a foreign country, by acting out what you need and doing a mime of fat pen to write on clothing- and adding sound effects........ they have no English and I have no Spanish!!!  I got the pen.  Such is my power.   Last night Mahe and Juliet were one table over from us, so my stalking is improving!

Watch this space, signed shirt is coming....








                                                                                            See Alex!  See all the things I do for you!!!!
                                                                                            Only took a little stalking...

Tango Show

Last night we went to a dinner where there was a show. It was mostly dedicated toTango dancing and although long, they were incredibly skilled and needed to have exception timing for fear of being kicked in the neither regions!

They also had this guy who used  those round balls they use to trip animals when hunting and he was amazing, kind of like poi but wooden and used for a practical application.

They have made a big deal of tango as there is disagreement whether it started here or in Bolivia.  Apparently it started around 1870s as (get this?.) a dance men did to simulate fight moves,THEN the prostitutes got involved and it became more sexy (sound like a Tui ad to me) The big Catholic population shunned it until it caught on in France, then it was all go here.  It is pretty 'close' dancing, for want of a better term!

The City of Buenos Aires

Today we have walked the city from where we are staying down to Recolita and Palermo where there are markets and the zoo. One thing I have discovered is that markets, the world over are the same and zoos very definitely are not!  This zoo was built late 19 th century and must have once been amazing, with buildings so opulent and ornate and also a wide variety of styles but mostly influenced by French styles.  The zoo and botanic gardens were built right out of the original city and then Yellow fever hit and people with money moved out of the city to those areas.  They built houses that are now for example embassies etc.

These mansions are now either well kept or ramshackle depending on who owns them.  The law in Argentina says you have to leave property to each child equally, so once split they are not maintained.

Yesterday we went to the graveyard where Eva Peron is buried and that was very interesting because they are buried in alley ways of crypts.  Again either beutifully maintained or abandoned.  Loads of photos but I am just making the most of Internet while I have it!

Dodgy internet

All Black Ghosting- the new art

DAY ONE- The All Blacks on tour with me""

We have arrived in Buenos Aires
After a really long flight and we made up time with winds of up to 275kms!,,

I am in full stalking mode and am yet to be arrested, pretty lucky really!,

Ghosted Ma'a Nonu and also Beaudine Barrett,  have photos!  Just have to figure out how to put the on the blog with the iPad!!!!  My secret strategy is that I look like someone's Mum!!!!  Brilliant!!!

Also got in on coaching chat with Steve.  He probably didn't notice.  I just used my subliminal messaging skills to share my advise.  I'll have to build up to moving into the coaching box, don't want to undermine him this close to the test.
!

I am hoping it will be a funny, funny world as tomorrow I am getting on the big black plane and travelling WITH THE ALL BLACKS to Argentina for the test.  If you are  not a rugby fan, then 'the investec rugby championship' might sound as foreign as 'non tengo dollero' but I am pretty excited!!!

In the last week the clever kids at our school have been working on a video to replace me (if that were possible.....) at assembly on Monday.  The web address is

http://www.thegardens.school.nz/argentina

and that is funny!