For those times you wished you had waited a beat before you spoke,,,

During the weekend, I went to Kings Plant Barn with a man I am quite fond of, but who shall remain nameless. 

As we drove in, a couple were getting out of their station wagon and the woman went round to the back of the car and bought a medium sized black Lab out. 

The commentary beside me began.   One sided, as I don't really care if people bring their dogs…. anywhere really….. except inside my own house…. I am dog tolerant.

……" why do people bring their dogs to places like this?"

"imagine if we bought Bear, imagine the size of her poops,  (not the word used),  imagine them having to get the front end loader to clean up after her"
(This is true.  Disgustingly so!  When we hit those dog mines with the mower, it is not a pretty sight!)

"what if the dog got away on them and bit someone?"  (Or more in Bears case, slobbered on someone and they drowned in her goobs)

"what if it was a male dog and it peed (not the word used) on everything?"  (nothing to add here, never owned a male dog)

"people really are stupid!  Maybe their house is being robbed right now?"  (yes, but at least no one would steal the dog?????!!!)

"whats the point in having a dog and then taking it away from where it should be protecting?"  (Errrr, somewhat like Bear protects our house ……..????????  Oh yeah, you shake in your boots, you wanna be burglars!!!!!)



"oh, look at that, do they have a car seat for that dog too?  Damn townies!"

The owners continued to bring their dog round the side of the car and the man arrived with a collar and lead.  He knelt down, chatted to and smooched the dog and began to put the leads on the rather well behaved dog.  The muttering continued from beside me as we parked and began to get out of the car. 

Next thing you know the BLIND man put the SEEING EYE HARNESS on the SEEING EYE DOG and with his white cane made his way around the side of the car, to which I exploded into belly shaking delight!!!!

 I could hardly breath and I spluttered "karma just kicked your negative arse!!!"  and then  to many more uncontrollable gaffawwws,  that had the blind man sensing the sound waves and both he and dog were looking around for the explosion.  The sound waves of complete and utter unravelling were coming from our car!!!!

"serves you right, BAZINGA!"  (thanks Sheldon) I crowed!  Very seldom getting one over this particular man!

I loved it.  For the rest of the day (and for eternity, actually)  my response to anything negative will always be, "and then the seeing eye dog got out of the car!"

Yep, those times you wish you had just shut the ……… heck up!  But for a change……… NOT ME!

My Friend, the Big Girl at School- continued.....

Last night I received an email about my previously mentioned young man who thinks I am his 'friend at school'. 

Although I have explained to him and surely modeled to him that I am the Principal, he doesn't seem to make those connections.

Some stuff that you need for context- 
this child comes to my office every single break AND first thing in the morning (to hang out)
Mr Fowler (referred to in the sent email) is my brother, who works part time doing hard materials
I have tried to explain HEAPS of times who I am AND this is not his first school!!!!!???  He has had another Principal.

So the email (Thanks Sara) reads thus:

Your wee boy was funny today…he came looking for you in your office and I wrote on the back of the note he carried, that you had gone out.
He asked what I had written and I told him that I said "the Boss was out." 
He looked at me confused….So I said that "you were all the teachers and the kids Boss".
He said, but what about Mr Fowler!!!????
 
 I told him that you were his boss too.  He looked a bit unhappy about that.

"So who's Mrs Fowlers boss?" he asked.
I didn't think he'd understand and just said "you were the boss of the school…"
he said 'The Government is the boss"…
He obviously has some understanding...... 
Then he said "I want to be the boss of the Government and be the prime minister…" 

He could be all our boss one day! :)

I am worried on several levels-

Firstly, I don't want this child to be our future Prime Minister although life would be pretty fascinating, especially foreign relations as he says it like it is.  Really, like it is! 
Secondly, I don't want my brother to be my boss (there is only one true boss(y) person in most families.
Thirdly,  and finally,  how can I explain who I am without breaking my new BFF's heart????

School Days that Stick in my Head

Deciding to clean up truant children is a fraught business for any Principal and going into  houses and shaking the tree is not always well received.

This I know because I arrived at the house of 4 children who often chose to stay home instead of coming to school- and they had been warned, if they were not at school, I was a-coming..!!!!

I arrived at the house around morning tea and when I knocked on the door, the Mum appeared at the glass ranch slider a split seconds after the slobbering, rather muscular mongrel dog.  The Mum was a little, life ravished woman and she took the dog, who was nearly 1/2 her size, by the collar and invited me in, whilst wrestling the salivating, sharp toothed dog into submission.

The house had been stripped of any recognisable items that make it a house.  The kitchen was almost non-existent and next to the ranch slider was a couch covered in an exceedingly large pile of laundry, pointed of course, at an almost obligatory large flat screen TV.

The mother wrestled the dog away and things were quiet for about 20 seconds after she had taken the dog down the hallway and I can only suspect she whispered in the dogs ear ‘go get ‘em!!’ because the dog appeared at full run in the doorway and across the room…….. and into me. 

The first bite was on my forearm as it jumped up, the next a bit higher up my arm.  As I rolled away from it, the third bite was on my not insubstantial butt.  The upside was that I was wearing jeans and also (in a very 70’s bikie gang style- whilst passing myself off as a school Principal?????) a long style jean jacket.  The dog bit my butt through about 5 layers of denim, which led to no piercing, just bruising.  (oh, how lucky!!!????)

During the first bite, screech and fend, the couch covered with laundry erupted and a man appeared from beneath all that was covering him!  He was hairy and unkempt and although I didn’t have time to think of it at the time, I wonder if the family knew he was there!???  He didn’t help me.  He just starred in a startled, woken up kind of way, while to dog enjoyed my obviously more tempting bits.

The dog was coming back for another go when the mother finally got hold of it.  She twisted the collar and the dog became less interested in me and more interested in  oxygen!??   In the respite, I took the moment to make for the door and slammed the ranch slider behind me.  I fought every urge that I had to sprint for my car but in true South Auckland staunch, I walked (whilst rubbing my butt obviously!!!) to my car.  In defiance I slammed my own car door AND I was the only one to hear that slam, but doG it made me feel better! And a little more defiant and in control!!  Hear that? Large bite-y dog!  Ha!

I drove back to school and sat in my office, quietly shaking.   It was quite an interesting reaction because it actually scared the be-Jesus out of me!!  I shook quietly. No one noticed.  That is my style.

The irony was that the kids arrived at school about 20 minutes later.  Not a word said by the mother. 

AND……. they had no lunch so I gave them mine!!

AND… this is the worst part…. the tetanus shot REALLY hurt!

Would I do it again?  Hell yes!  Now, in preparation for chasing down truants, I wear leathers to school and carry a Taser!

This Big Girl that is my Friend at School

I have a challenging young man, of 8, that comes to spend time with me at school.  He comes at morning tea and lunch time and eats his lunch and chats and then we go out to the game and 'bond' a little more.  He has been at our school for over 18 months and we have spent, I would say, a great deal of time together!  Initially the time together was mostly when he was sent to me because he had been naughty and then it became routine that to avoid getting into trouble, he would come and we would be together during the breaks.

I have growled at him.  I have stood him down from school.  I have met with his parents.  I am the master of his universe for 6 hours per day, 5 days per week!

He attends assemblies, where I run them.  He has been to the end of year prize giving .  He has been everywhere at school that you would expect him to know that I am the Principal- however, he did not!

One day, he had been sent to me for a little 'extra bonding' when he had done something silly in class.  He was working quietly away in the corner of our space when I got a visitor.  We were discussing something vitally important to the running of the school (school photos) when my visitor  commented to me "well, you are the Principal"

To which the small head from the corner of the room popped up and big, brown eyes turned onto me with more than a tiny degree of surprise. 

"Are you the Principal!!!!?' 

To which my visitor (Susie) almost lost it!  She laughed so hard, I thought I was going to have to call someone with a defibulator!  In between gasps, she managed to get out....

"Hey Mum, there's this big girl, who is my friend and I go and play with her at play time!"

and in between more laughs

"she is a big girl, but she is my friend!  I don't know who she is, but she is always there, she is my friend"  (insert more laughter) "can she come over after school to play???"

I don't know how this young man does not know who I am.  Perhaps I am so vastly different from his previous experience of a Principal that nothing had connected for him.  Surely, if nothing else, he would have noticed I am not wearing the uniform???

Those smarter than I

I have finally got my blogs sorted out thanks to Kate, who knows more of my usernames, passwords and credit card details than I do myself and Jacqui who seems to be able to figure out all things computery with so little efforts.

Thanks.  I'm back!