Should Have Gone to Spec Savers.....???

We are on a work trip in Melbourne.  We have come early to take in some retail therapy and generally bond as a work team :)  Tonight we went down the road to a lovely Italian Restaurant for dinner.  I ordered Prawn Pasta and it arrived promptly, hot and yummy.  Being the vain creature that I am, I did not take my glasses out of the my bag, so I reached for the pepper grinder and put some on my meal.  It turned out to be salt, so I made a crack about 'haha, thats a heart attack waiting to happen, I should have put my glasses on"  I took that one on the chin and just laughed it off.  I then picked up the parmesan cheese container and sprinkled a little on my prawns.  I passed said parmesan cheese container on and I waited for my prawns to cool.  Christine said to me 'I think it might not be cheese....I think it is ..(???) ... sugar?  Yes, its sugar"

So I basically buggered my lovely italian meal by sprinkling parmesan cheese looking SUGAR on my food.  We then totally dissolved into stomach aching laughter, with tears rolling down our faces.  It's really lucky the waiter didn't come over and with bored indifference, try to fake real interest, 'how is your meal?"

I would have had to say 'Sweeeeeeetttt as bro!'

 Mostly however, my dinner was lovely.......... apart from the crunchy, sugary bits.

The Midnight Black Eye

Last week we had a mighty, mighty storm over Auckland!  I was very sound asleep (thank you wine) when at 12.03am a sonic boom thunder clap over our house.  It sounded more like a freight train slamming into the house.  I know not why, but I bolted out of bed and half asleep, decided to checkout where the noise had come from.

In the meantime, at the other end of the hallway Alex had got a huge fright as well and like a heat seeking ferret, had run for her mother.  Our hallway is 19 metres long and it was pitch black, mid storm.  So without a hint that anyone else was running down the hallway, we smacked into each other.  Her cheekbone caught my nose and under my eye, at which point through the pain, I realised it was only her and not some home invasion who  had gained access with a Mac Truck.  It seriously hurt, but strangely enough I got the giggles,  what 19 year old and what mother of a 19 year old has to check each other out just because there is thunder and lightening???  Serves us right, we need to examine those apron strings, me thinks......

The downside is my black eye.  Previously I could have made some vague reference to sport and got away with a black eye at school, but not so much now.  The story will have to come out and all other mothers of 19 year olds will go..... SERIOUSLY?????

NZ Politics- I knew I'd seen his face before.....

Okay, so NZ politics leaves me cold and this election has been totally awful and unkind and catty, so I enter my comparison of that thoroughly dreadful election banner. 

Seriously, Colin...??????

The Gardens Had a Little Lamb....

Three weeks ago, we had a lamb delivered on our farm that was so huge, she cause mortal problems for her mother.  I found it late at night and began the regime of being the lambs mother.  This has been happily and excitedly received at school, but love of a cute little lamb only goes so far......

The kids and parents of our city school have really embraced the lamb, she has had to have first six, then four and now three feeds per day, so coming to school was the only option.  She has had love letters, birthday cards, delivery of fleece blankets, a roster of 'supervisors', a cage set up by the caretaker, special kids getting to feed her.....etc.... etc. 

I, on the other hand, have cleaned up pee, got up in the middle of the night to feed her, lost all my ranunculus flowers from the garden, put her into my year old Calais, where she once again peed(!!!), chased her through my house!!!!!! 

She has terrified the dog, made my farmer husband exasperated and probably rather disgusted a whole group of people- due to her lack of house training......  She has eaten many important documents, annoyed people who are less tolerant of loud baaarrring and generally made her presence felt at school.

Today it ends!  She is going into the orchard and down to two feeds per day!  I have done my dash!

Tonight, when I got home,  I let her out of the car and it was raining.  I had all my usual jobs to do, so I left her out and went off to move sheep, feed pigs, feed chooks.   When I got back, she had eaten my orchid, peed on my shoes, knocked over ANOTHER pot and broken it, shat on my doorstep AND then, when I went to pick her up, she ran off about a metre, just out of reach, then another metre and then…. out into the rain- another metre, and so on and so on and scoobbie, doobie, doo-bie……  AND I said “that’s IT!” 

I was going to just put her in the orchard with her little house, but I was too angry (and it was raining) so I just stuck her in her pen and tomorrow I am leaving her there.  THAT’S IT!

No more Greenie, Mother earth, lamb loving Principal!  That's it!  Sorry to the kids on the roster for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday but I will make it up to you by........ getting some goldfish????????

Double Whammy Storm Reprieve Rainbow

This is our home.  The white house with the dark roof is our home and the brown one is a pool house which sits about 15 metres from the main house.  During the storm that has dumped so much rain on Auckland and Northland, there was a short break in the deluge and we went outside to check out the tide and the creek at the bottom of our property and looking back, we had a double rainbow linking our house with the pool house.  The photos don't really do it justice, but how cool is that!!!????

Danger Deep Water

I have kept this sign separate from the others because it is really rather ironic.  In Hong Kong, on the main street which is bustling and busy and hugely populated, there is a quiet little park.  The park is surrounded by highrise buildings and peoples washing hangs out of windows at all heights.  There is little sun that actually finds its way to the ground, through the smog and dust.

There is a man, who appears to be employed full time, cleaning up and picking up any rubbish and leaves and general items that find their way into the area.

The tranquil park has two little contemplation huts, some seats, a checkers board and a water area with a bridge.  It was really rather sweet.   By the bridge is this sign.

The water in the pond that they do not want terrapins or fish in would have been about 20cm deep.  Now I know that Asian people are not tall, but seriously?  Danger Deep Water!!!!! 

More Signs That Caused a Chuckle....

 This is a sign written by a dyslexic person which marks the house of the local thugs.  If it had been correctly written it would say........????










Okay, so it is okay to bring your dog, as long as it is on a leash, but you cannot bring your alcohol (despite the boys running the little paddle boats in Prague, drinking at the counter)  You cannot bring the evils of hard drugs or marijuana and you certainly cannot bring the device that has broken down honourable civilisations across all Europe- a Segway!

Take your drugs and you will be absinth for the rest of the day... ???

 Ouch, no Bad Gogging!

 Dunno about this one, too obvious but interesting.  Found in Germany and perhaps something to do with directions to the Pied Piper??

 A whole market...!!!????  Seriously??  And care for some Digitalkabinen?

 A rather unfortunate name for an Osteopathe Do??

Dunno, but Troll is probably not this persons first name??

 And what would inspire you to go along to this particular art shop and purchase a piece?

 Or go along to La Grande Messe and expect it to be organised?

 Or have a Babie Wedding?  smacks a little of my big fat Gypsy Wedding to me.

 Nothing to be said here.  I don't know what they are advertising and I don't want to find out....

This is the name of a shop in Hong Kong- Pig Nose Dear.  Again, I am unclear what they sell, but I don't think it is donuts....

 In case you forgot "Keep your Fingercroxx"

 Headstrong?  This is the T-shirt for you!

Wankee Sports- so  now it is a competition??

Thoroughly Inappropriate Mocking of Religious Statues And Their Modern Day Equivalents.

 I know, it is not okay to mock other peoples religion or beliefs but some of these just can't be left unmocked.....

Were propeller caps a fashion in 1357 when this particular bridge was constructed?
Perhaps they got them as a joke and posed with them, certain the sculptor would not use them?

Maybe the sculptor was not so bright?

Now I know where the 1970's habit of making paper chains at Xmas time came from...

and here is some random kid who liked the idea

Here is Jesus, showing off his paper chain, carefully torn so it can reach from here to............... here.

And finally,  here is France's early modelling of headbanging, in the mosh pit. 

I Totally Taught My Dog To Beg..??

My question is- how can you not afford to house, feed and dress yourself and yet you can have a perfectly healthy, collared dog???  I don't really get the beggar thing and how people can be that destitute to have to beg on the street.

In Paris, I saw a woman who was limping and half bent to the ground.  She had a bandage around one leg and was struggling to walk.  As we went passed in the bus, she was making her struggling way up the bridge, toward the other end.  As the bus passed, the tourists all walked around her and away and then- SHE STOOD UP STRAIGHT AND DIDN’T LIMP- almost stomping her way to the end of the bridge with some heavy ‘how dare they not give to me’ attitude!!

I saw another guy in the underground, clearly homeless, taking a handful of random tablets…

Later, I saw another woman with her polystyrene cup sitting atop a “Vans” box, to give the cup some height.  Probably not the look she had intended.

I think the really hard part is when the beggars are prone on the ground with their arms out in front and their foreheads sitting on the pavement!  There were heaps of those ones, but what brings them to this situations and how …..??  I know this is probably a bit naïve, but how can you lie and beg like that and think it is better than making eye contact and trying to maintain some sort of pride???

The smarter beggars were outside the Churches.  How can you  not go into a Church and be all pious and holy and then come out and go ‘so totally NOT giving my spare money to these poor wretches!! 

It was actually pretty yuck, because we are just not use to it and the worst thing is some of them must have been real but the Vans box and the lack of hobbling put you off offering spare dosh to any of them.

When Posers Need a Sign....

Whilst looking for a particular photo, I found this rather unfortunate combination of sign, arrow and person....

I guess you can also add to the unfortunate combination, the snap happy camera woman that took the photo. 

He appears to be doing some sort of Salsa move with his Segway!  A step, ball, change move with the left arm extended to add flourish.

Total Pozor......

Just How Long Has the Remote Ownership Been a Problem?

We have all fought the battle of the remote and who ever holds it, rules the TV!  It would seem this problem has been around for a very long time!  Searching the museums of Paris produced the Goddess of the Remote, proudly holding a remote in both hands and although looking tranquil, she is actually wearing her ‘don’t mess with me’ face.  

Is it just me, or is the body language with one hip and one knee forward, while arms are raise, just a little passive aggressive...?  Jeez woman!  You have been hanging onto those remotes for about 2000 years, so I think they are yours???!!!!!

We have to consider if she is saying 'I am willing to fight you for this, and it don't matter if my clothes fall off!  I am in this for the win and THESE ARE MY remotes!!'  

I also have to wonder if she is trying to make a bit of a 'South Side' finger thingee with her fingers, as if we are not intimidated enough by her double remote, half naked, bring it on attitude!????

I can only imagine how disconcerting it must be to try to wrestle the remote off a half dressed person!  Also, now thinking about it, could that be a remote in one hand and a....... chocolate bar in the other..?????????  

It is a brave man that fails to recognises the implications and then messes with that particular combination.........?????

Then poor Kate, below- who still can't get her hands on the school TV remote, even sitting next to Shirley, our school skeleton.

Go on Kate.........just reach out....... she won't notice.......... just stretch that hand out.........???

Where is my Map of Paris??

There is a tourist bus that does the rounds of Paris and you can get on and off all day, or actually for several days.  They give you earphones and you can plug into the system and listen to a commentary of the city.  Really worth doing if you are going there.

It was very wet for the first couple of days and the bus is open at the top so water can generally do what water does and pour lower and lower.  The seats downstairs, on the double decker bus were wet in places.  We tried to help by putting out tourist map down on the seat to absorb the water- how helpful!

Eventually, after moving around to chat and to avoid water, we left the wet map several seats behind without even thinking about said map.

Two very well dressed Western Block ladies came and hopped into the seat containing the water absorbing map.  They sat.  They warmed the seat.  They (as it turns out) marinated the rain and map ink.

So one of the ladies hopped up and the map was stuck to her very expensive silver (or taupe) raincoat.  Her Gucci handbag held, in her gold encrusted fingers was balanced out to the side and stylishly the map imitated this left leaning feature.  The two ladies hopped out of the bus to a few giggles (you have to remember we had overtired hysteria by this stage) so map stuck to ladies butt was rather funny.

Then the other rather overly well dressed lady notice the map and from the side, removed it.  ONLY to reveal to the rest of the passengers on the bus that the ink had imprinted a map of Paris on the poor ladies jacket, which set the whole bus alight.

I guess it could be handy if you had recently moved to Paris, to have a map of the city on your best raincoat, but I suspect she was not as amused by it as the rest of the bus was!

Hong Kong Flueeee

The lull in posts is me, suffering from the cold that the woman opposite me had on the flight from Paris to Hong Kong.  It just goes to show you can't hold your breath every time someone sneezes and expect to get away with it!  

It might, however, just be karma, kicking my mocking butt from the earlier post........ "ever heard of  pseudoephedrine"????  

More posts to come..... (not about my stinky cold, of course!)

The Adventure- Paris to Hong Kong

Good ol’ Jan took us down to the train station and we purchased 2 tickets get us to Charles de Gaulle airport.  Actually getting on the train we a little hairy, to say the least.  The trip from the ticket office to the Airport platform would have been a walk of about 5 minutes, through the previously mentioned stinky, stinky underground.  This would have been okay except we had to lug our bags UP no less than 6 sets of stairs and then, intriguingly enough, DOWN 2 other sets of stairs.  I can only imagine that the train staff sit in their camera office and crack up at the poor sods, trying to heave those heavy bags up and down!

Finally on the train, you would think we could relax but no!  Every blighter looks as shifty as hell and I am sure they are watching our bags for that moment when they can snatch and jump off.  I guard them closer than an Asian shop owner in Manukau carpark!

As we moved further away from town, the train thinned out and Alex and I could sit and guard our stuff.  THEN a teenage boy and girl come in and set up a microphone and speaker and began to busk on the train!  It was a brilliant ploy, I thought because going to the airport, most people would think- entrepreneurial!  I will give them my spare coins that I can do nothing with (we gave them about 23 cents all in single coins, so it sounded like HEAPS) then they moved on to the next carriage.  To be fair the singing was woeful, but they were out there doing it!

The Paris airport was simple and we were through and waiting without a hitch.  I had planned to be a bit early just in case our passport numbers being different to our booking documents was a hassle, but it was all sweet.  We were over in our baggage weight allowance, but one Miss Sparkly Eyes was served by one sweet French boy and like magic on a moonlit night, he coyly smiled and said “this vwill be fiine, this iees ok” and just like that, about 8 kilos were forgiven (if only my clothes worked like that!!!)

The flight was reasonably good for a long haul, with three notable exceptions!  The woman directly across the isle had a cold and at intervals of about 30 minutes would do the LOUDEST nose blow, known to man!  Even the pilot was woken up.  Poor thing did have a cold, but surely she had heard of pseudoephedrine??

……then, deep in the night, with the whole plane asleep, there came this insistent alarm- “barp, barp, barp, barp…” at such regular intervals, I was wide awake and searching for a hostess, to gauge the mood!  Next think, large, large German man 2 seats back with his small, small Asian wife and two adorable kids, leaps up from his seat with pillows and blankets flying!  He lurches up and dongs the head of the man one seat in front, who was also fit to freak!  I fully anticipated to hear over the speaker system “…stall, stall, stall, slats engage, slats engage…” in some freaky automated voice, but nooooooo….. Helmet Von Dumb-arse had left his alarm clock on in his hand luggage!!!!

Sometime later, I had been looking at my watch in the dark with out my glasses and trying to see what the time was and unlike loudest blow woman or Helmet, I was not willing to wake the entire section for my own selfish needs, so through squinted eyes with my watch held as far away as my arm could make it, it was around 4.  Later again, same dance…. it looked like 4 ish, later again……. much cursing of optometrists, bags, planes, eyes and sleeping people on planes….. the watch still looked around 4.  I figured, I must not be getting much sleep and this was the longest flight in the universe.  At 7, they decide to bring around breakfast and woke the entire plane up, including me….. I then discover that my watch still SAYS 4 O’CLOCK!!!!  It had died on the plane!  I wonder if insurance will cover that mishap??   The rest of the trip, however was rather uneventful, with much less turbulence off the Himalayan Mountains than the last route on the way over (which was dreadful for insecure flyers… not me though…????)

You Can Look Like an Egg, But At Least You Look Like an Egg In Paris!

It was raining and quite cold and Alex decided to wear stuff that probably was not going to be warm enough for the day, so we punished her by buying her a Paris poncho and a beret!

  She pretty much wore it for the best part of the day, good-humouredly.  The sun did come out at one stage and then later we used the poncho as a tarp to cover us from the pouring rain on the top of the double decker, no top roof, bus!!  (didn’t really work and we had to scarper downstairs..)

The Eiffel Tower

We took the tourist bus around Paris and they give you little headphones to explain all the significant parts, in the breaks, when the bus is stopped, they play random music and it turns out Iain knows the words to some obscure song that was playing on the information bus.  The chorus seemed to be Chanseellleeesay, Chanselleesay….. then some other French words.  He had his earphones in, so had no idea how loud he actually is……  but it was funny, mainly because there is very little life and spontaneity in the French! 

Eventually we got off the bus at the Eiffle Tower and Alex, Jan and I decided to go to the top, while Cathy and Iain, who had been there before, had other plans.  We hoped in the line, only to have Iain run over and rescue us from the really long line, because “there was a shorter one over here!”  We were all pretty keen because it had gone from cold to freaken freezing in the space of about 30 minutes.  The short line was a better plan…..  until we found out that the short line circumvented the waiting for the lift by making you take the stairs!!!!!!!???????  We were in and so we started to climb…. and climb….and climb…. and climb …. and did I mention some climbing…???  We made our way up through the howling wind and ice and thin air, until we eventually got to the elevator point where you had to take that lift up (quietly….. thank GOD!!) so then we waited in this line that frankly New Zealanders would never be a part of (we do not have a stand in line mentality) so then, we waited and shuffled and (etc, etc) until we made our way, wet and cold to the lift.

Once in, with 67000 other people pressed in around you (actually the maximum was something like 42, but seriously! Do they need to be that close!!) we started up and that was all fine for the girl who doesn’t like heights, right up until we burst into open air with clear surrounds on the elevator for ….a …..long…..way ….up!!!!!  I leaned into Alex and said, “we go up, do the round and then- we are out of here, I hate this” and she was okay with that, good natured soul that she is.

Once at the top, I went to the toilet, right up there!  Imagine the suck when you flush!  Then made a fool out of myself by trying to open the door out, instead of in and being rescued by an American who simply pushed it for me!!  I think I was a bit ‘get me off this whim, hysterical’ by then but at least the others were ready to get off as soon as possible. 

Ick!  Not doing that again!  Damn that FOMO’s disease!

Having Hot Chocolateee while safely back on solid earth!

Emmanuel and the Taxi Bike...

 
After much wandering Alex, Jan and I decided to give the little cycle taxi’s a go!  We hopped into the taxi the Emmanuel was driving and we got a ride from close to Notre Damn along to the Lourve.  The traffic was what can only be described as a bun fight! He traversed the roads with absolute conviction and never hesitated!!! We on the other hand flinched, cringed and generally did our best to recall our travel insurance details!  Emmanuel was born in Paris and had been to New Zealand, which gave us a talking point.  Apparently he had been in Christchurch 2 months after the February 22^nd earthquake.  He clearly has no fear!

It was raining, which was a bit of a bummer, but we got to the Lourve in one piece and score city!! We met a lady who was leading a tour group and had 3 tickets for the VIP line.  The whole time, we kept thinking this is a scam, but it turns out probably not as we went straight past all the lining up peasants and into the museum!!!  We repaid the favour later when we met up with Iain and Cathy and they had been given 2 tickets they didn't want, so we gave the tickets to an American couple and the man said “ if I wasn’t here with my wife, I would kiss you” (err, no thanks, I am from South Auckland, I would probably have to punch you)  then we discussed New Zealand and now he is totally coming because he can’t believe New Zealanders and so spontaneous and friendly….. 

Charlemagne- Bravely off to War......

The brave King Charlemagne, facing adversity
wherever he found it and  worked hard on cleaning up all his enemies and foes........    

I have been forced to piece together the story of Charlemagne from the small snippets of information I have been able to obtain.  If you look on Wikipedia, you will likely find it is all true, as per the telling! (or as true as Wikipedia can be..???)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlemagne

So, Charlemagne was this King born in 742 and he was pretty much a leader of the Franks and then Italy and then was crowned King in 800, he has this whopping great statue outside Notre Damn 

which tends to dominate that side of the courtyard. 

He did, however, seem to have a bit of a problem with mess, so it appears he would head off to war with his trusty stead (horse) and a few other serfs, slaves and general riff raff who carried the essentials of travel and battle, such as spare armour, weapons, rations for the troops and his very special blue, plastic broom.

 

It would seem he also traveled with his gay-est traveling knights who could be found posing at all times, looking as saucy as possible and why do you supposed he picked this particular group of young men?  

No, not because they looked good in their tight armour, it was because everyone knows gay guys are incredibly fastidious, even when on the battle field and the trusty blue broom was safe- and used!  Whew, lucky we sorted that Parisian mystery out!!

Either that, or it was a really cranky cleaner who said 'bugger this!" and chucked his broom out the window of the highest point of Notre Damn.

Toilets of Europe......

I like nice clean toilets- who doesn’t?  As our holiday draws to a close, I can report the best and worst public toilets of our travels….  I know this is a strange topic, but I would really like to celebrate the best because it was such a surprise.

Those of you that now me even vaguely will know my total and utter aversion to public toilets, but there are times when you are travelling that you need to use the convenience, because it could be a long time between stops. 

The worst- (drumroll please…)   Lake Como in Italy.  Slits in the ground that slop down toward the never never.  I stepped in, took one look and turned around and left- disgusto!  Evidence of someone not being able to balance and go was way too much for me!

The best-  (trumpet blast) Paris railway station, Gare de Lyon.  Beautiful, although kind of freaky.  They were attended by a large African woman, the stalls were large (in fact larger than some of the motel rooms we have stayed in!!!) and decorated with views of Paris.  Shut the door and this REALLY loud music was playing, clearly to distract from any other noises around the room.  

The surprise is that in some of the train stations, whole platforms smell like the boys toilet after a busy lunchtime at school!  One train station that we have been using, which is closest to our hotel reeks and I have to put my shirt over my face at one point near some homeless people because it is so bad.

We arrived in Paris early this morning, to rain and mist and more traffic here, then the average holiday Friday in Auckland.  We found the New Zealand Embassy and spoke to the wonderful staff there who had our passports ready to go.  I confessed on the way into Paris that the London Embassy had told me they would not recommend travelling through Europe without our passports and perhaps we should alter our plans and pick them up in Rome, some time after Easter.  The Rome Embassy was more cool, she said as long as you don’t need a plane, you’ll be sweet!  (Kiwi interpretation of her very proper English)  I decide to go with her more encouraging advice and had I run into trouble, I would have been ringing you Emily from Rome Embassy!!!

Leadlight windows from Notre Damn

Iain then fessed up that he had just read the car manual and we were not allowed to take the rental van into Czech Republic!  Best 3 days that van ever had!!!!!  What goes on tour, stays on tour!???!!!

Alex lights a candle for Gran and Grandad

Count the chimney pots!!

Well, we have made it this far without mishap and are now staying just out of the main centre of Paris, only by about 4 metro train stops, so close really.  We can see the top of the Eiffel Tower from our room, so we are not that far away!  Today we visited the church at Notre Damn completed in 1345!!! (Alex lit a candle for you, Mum and Dad, its in the church), the padlock love bridge (didn’t have ours with us, so a job for tomorrow), the Lourve (and saw Mona Lisa and many other amazing works of art for you Rho), Arc de Triomphe and the tomb , Champs-Elysees and generally walked until we fell.  The others are now crashed out in their rooms as well, resting their feet for tomorrow and I am looking out my tiny verandah door, watching the sun go down over Paris.  If I need a bit of a pick-up, I wander over to the tiny verandah and look out over the chimney pots, to top of the Eiffel Tower. 

6th Floor, spiral staircase, God help us if there is a fire!!

I might be very tired and foot sore, but I am tired and foot sore in PARIS!!!  I am toasting the city by having a tipple of red out of my tiny bathroom, plastic water glass.  Here’s to you, Paris.  (Ian, I am bringing you back here, so start planning now!)