But.......

She really is quite delightful and if you are reading this blog thinking it is all hell, it is not. 

She is a very kind, sweet typical teenage kid.  Even better!  She loves me and she needs me- just in a different way to how it use to be. 

And if you are asking where this deeply insightful thought has come from?  Yep, its wine!  It's Friday.  Rugby is on and wine is following.

Oh, that and......... she is away for the weekend.

I Don't Remember You Asking Me To Do That!

Why is the sour cream still on the table?

Why is that wet towel still on the floor?

Why is the cat still sitting beside the bowl looking hopeful?

Why is the washing still on the line?

Why is the archeological dig that is my car, still full of her random stuff?

I know what I said, I know we made eye contact and still........ nothing........

What is going on?

Theory 1.  The task is way to complex as it IS hard to line up the fridge with the sour cream container.  

Theory 2.  The ipod has ruined her hearing.

Theory 3.  It is the  general breakdown of civilisation as we know it, one teenager at a time.

Theory 4.  It's my mothers fault.

Theory 5.  I need to introduce fish oil tablets into her diet.  Tried this once but apparently they tasted REVOLTING - like fish even!!!

Theory 6.  She was reading a text or thinking about her last Facebook conversation and my voice was 'blah, blah, blah, sour cream, blah, blah"

Theory 7.  Stupid song lyrics have stolen her waking thoughts and they are repeating in her head. in her head, in her head, head, head, in her head, better off dead, so listen instead.....

Theory 8  In the night, in her biohazard bedroom, life forces build civilizations inside her ears. 

Theory 9.  That Vivaldi music I played her as a baby, to increase the Alpha rays and her brain function actually  erased all active memory cells.  "Hmmm what sour cream, what fridge, who is this woman nagging me......."

Theory 10.  It means NOTHING to her, seems pointless and is not worth the time it takes to register the request and there aren't really any consequences anyway so
"
.......I am going to wander off
go the have a shower,
cause I want to,
right now,
why is she looking at me like that? 
Must be because I am wearing her shirt,
didn't think she would notice.
Oooohhhh, there is something shiny,
and here is a mirror
what's in this drawer?
Cool, my favourite TV show....."

It's My Car, It's My Radio!!!!!

I lack the generational understanding that comes with songs that repeat the last word of each sentence- over and over.   I can however, come up with some REALLY funny mixes of words that 'sound like' what is being blasted out of our car stereo.   Mostly it is mocking and not received well.

'Are they talking about me when they say sexieeeeee?'

"No!  MUM!"

I am trying to understand how MY car radio has been hijacked by radio stations that talk utter rubbish and that the only volume to be had is that decibel just over the normal rate of conversation.   That means anything said in the car is YELLED.  Then, strangely enough, when I turn the volume down,  the conversation is maintained at the YELLED rate.  Are our kids so use to listening to ipods that we have deafened an entire generation or two?

"I would catch a grenade for ya"  -really?  Then I hope you would be quick enough to throw it back before it exploded!

"gonna kick him to the curb unless he looks like Mick Jagger"- He was old and ug (and short) when I was young, so what is the deal?????


"its like an eyeball stuck on my plate...."  Which actually turned out to be saying 'an ipod stuck on replay' but I think mine sounds closer.  Go ahead, listen.


Did my parent say what rubbish these songs are?  Yes they did!!

Am I turning into my parents.........no............

"Alex, did you know that song said 'love you' 52 times?"

'You counted??? You're weird Mum"

"No, not so weird, its just the words of the song are so uninspiring I have to do something to keep myself awake!  Can we pleeeeeze go back to the stock market review on the old people station?" 



 

Santa's Little Helper

Just before Xmas, Alex and I were driving along,  locked in the same car (that coupled with the 'if I am good, I will get good loot' aspect) she was VERY chatty.  We discussed 'cool mother's'

'everyone thinks she is cool'
'she wears cool clothes'
'she is more like a sister'    Oh doG- spare me!!!
'she lets her kids  __________" insert SO many things, start with your own personal pet hates.
'she doesn't really growl'   must have some seriously good drugs then???

'Oh well,'' I said "lucky you have such a cool Mum"  this was greeted by silence, then in sad 40 something desperation  

"I'm cool????????"

I immediately wished I had shut up and basked in the silent glory of knowing,  I AM cool, I have ALWAYS been cool and I don't need a 15 year old to validate me.

'No, Mum.  Not really"  came the reply in tones that you would use for breaking to someone the death of their cat.    If she mentioned how cool the other Mum was I was going to pull over and chuck her out in the mean streets of South Auckland!!!  Maybe even by the hair.

We drove on.

Silence stretched, we passed a house with blow up Santa sleighs on the roof and Xmas lights and 'house bling' (word I have now invented) of all description.   One of the larger pieces was a blow up sleigh- Santa,  Reindeer,  presents and rather randomly, a penguin perched on the back of the sleigh, hanging on to Santa.  It was exceptionally windy for December and the wind was catching the random penguin and making him rock back and forth, at pace, in rather a suggestive manner.

I laughed, pointed and said "Hey, check out the penguin that is humping Santa".  Dead silence!  Followed by a sigh and a slow turn of the head.

"Mum.  You are trying too hard."

I wanted to burst out laughing, slap my leg, throw my head back and roar with laughter.  Instead I chuckled with unmoving lips and used resistance exercise to tighten the muscles on my face that threatened to expose mockery. 

So many things begged to be said!!! 

She is darn lucky I am this cool!