I have been a martyr this year. Alex's school needed a basketball coach and once upon a time, in a previous life, I had been an athlete with a more than passing knowledge of basketball. They knew that. A little applied pressure, moments of 'you don't spend any time with me' pressure and I caved.
I was the official coach of the Open Girls Basketball team.
Sounds high level, with your own team physio type stuff. It was not.
My team, except for Alex are beginners. I quickly realise I have done her NO favours volunteering. She should not be in this team- but hey! They needed a coach.
My sweet, lovely, beginner, private school, white girls are playing in a South Auckland competition in the Open competition against girls who could be up to 19 and make me look slim and athletic!!! The opposition teams would enable someone to make squillians of dollars from culture and class lessons!! We began with some optimism.
Sometimes when we finally get a goal, my girls jump and clap. I jump and clap. I tell them how good they are going. They are not but we are excited that the ball finally went in!!!.
Some of my best coaching lines- (I should be selling this motivational stuff!!!!!!)
Pass it to people wearing BLUE! You are in the BLUE team!
Stop crying! You are not being MEAN if you contact them- that is the game!
I know we are getting whipped, but just imagine THEM in ball gowns????
It's okay, you only have to go on for another 15 minutes...it'll be okay?????!
Lets try to get the ball over half way this quarter!
This one, said excitedly- It's the last quarter- we can double the score!!! (2 to 4!)
Its not how good you are playing, it is how good you look!!!! (thanks Peg!)
Man! You guys have improved SOOOO much!
Okay, our aim for this quarter is to make sure we only pass to our own team
Remember that thing we practiced where you look and then pass...?
Seriously? You don't want to go on???
Stay away from that enormous, stroppy one with tattoos, that keeps swearing
Just don't get hurt or bruised! (this the week before their school ball)
Try to remember when you stop bouncing, you can't start again.....
I think we could have won this one if......(insert utter lies and positive ups)
STOP SAYING SORRY! You haven't done anything when you bump into them.
When I come to work after a game, I regale Kate with the Mighty Ducks basketball atrocity and she laughs.
Doesn't she realise this is SERIOUS!! I take losing VERY badly but we are seriously out of our league and someone elses league and the league of nations and 20 000 leagues under the sea and any other league ever invented!!!
I meet one of these sweet, lovely girls' mothers the other day for the first time, she told me how much her daughter had enjoyed playing basketball.........
I had no reply.
I was the official coach of the Open Girls Basketball team.
Sounds high level, with your own team physio type stuff. It was not.
My team, except for Alex are beginners. I quickly realise I have done her NO favours volunteering. She should not be in this team- but hey! They needed a coach.
My sweet, lovely, beginner, private school, white girls are playing in a South Auckland competition in the Open competition against girls who could be up to 19 and make me look slim and athletic!!! The opposition teams would enable someone to make squillians of dollars from culture and class lessons!! We began with some optimism.
We get our arse kicked. Our worse was 136 - 6
Sometimes when we finally get a goal, my girls jump and clap. I jump and clap. I tell them how good they are going. They are not but we are excited that the ball finally went in!!!.
Some of my best coaching lines- (I should be selling this motivational stuff!!!!!!)
Pass it to people wearing BLUE! You are in the BLUE team!
Stop crying! You are not being MEAN if you contact them- that is the game!
I know we are getting whipped, but just imagine THEM in ball gowns????
It's okay, you only have to go on for another 15 minutes...it'll be okay?????!
Lets try to get the ball over half way this quarter!
This one, said excitedly- It's the last quarter- we can double the score!!! (2 to 4!)
Its not how good you are playing, it is how good you look!!!! (thanks Peg!)
Man! You guys have improved SOOOO much!
Okay, our aim for this quarter is to make sure we only pass to our own team
Remember that thing we practiced where you look and then pass...?
Seriously? You don't want to go on???
Stay away from that enormous, stroppy one with tattoos, that keeps swearing
Just don't get hurt or bruised! (this the week before their school ball)
Try to remember when you stop bouncing, you can't start again.....
I think we could have won this one if......(insert utter lies and positive ups)
STOP SAYING SORRY! You haven't done anything when you bump into them.
When I come to work after a game, I regale Kate with the Mighty Ducks basketball atrocity and she laughs.
Doesn't she realise this is SERIOUS!! I take losing VERY badly but we are seriously out of our league and someone elses league and the league of nations and 20 000 leagues under the sea and any other league ever invented!!!
I meet one of these sweet, lovely girls' mothers the other day for the first time, she told me how much her daughter had enjoyed playing basketball.........
I had no reply.
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