I was thinking I was going to have to make something up but NO! Life in the country produces many a conspiracy….
I have just been moving hoses in the paddocks by our house because we planted a heap of trees over the winter and this is my job, to keep them alive. I try to open the gate for the fierce dog to come and protect me but tonight she mistook a rock or a piece of wood somewhere in the distance for food and by the time she had figured out it was not a tasty morsel, or even an old piece of sheep dropping, the gate I had left open had blown shut. She sat on the other side of the fence watching me, looking cute (the dog was looking cute, not the dog watching me, looking cute) cute, but dumb as dog droppings (again the dog, not me)
As I moved down the edge of the fence, a creature larger than the abominable snowman and more fierce than Cujo leapt from the long grass and hurtled away at the speed of summer lightening. In its path is disturbed another Cujo like creature and they both, realising I was out numbered, paused and turned.
Their evil, beady eyes settled on me and they glanced at each other, one with a smirk as if to say "you know, we can take her, she doesn't have a chance, she's out numbered!!!!" they stayed and faced me down, alert, with evil intent in their eyes. Cue music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHbizE2_Ngk&feature=related
The mexican stand off begins. The tension builds, we stare at each other, only our eyes move as we squint, shaping up to each other, neither wanting to move first….
Then, in a fraction of a second, I snap- "cut out this s$#@ I've got reports to read!! You damn hares, spread the word! I'M COMING AND HELLS COMING WITH ME!!!" (line from Kurt Russell in Tombstone) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0ndsXVaPwc&feature=related
At my first screech, they bolt! One running so close to the dumb but cute looking dog, that I thought it was "The End" then I remember it is my dog. My beautiful, well behaved, (dumb), did I say beautiful and well behaved Labrador.
"Yeah!" I shout to their retreating furry ears "spread the word!!!!"
Damn I need a wine!
I have just been moving hoses in the paddocks by our house because we planted a heap of trees over the winter and this is my job, to keep them alive. I try to open the gate for the fierce dog to come and protect me but tonight she mistook a rock or a piece of wood somewhere in the distance for food and by the time she had figured out it was not a tasty morsel, or even an old piece of sheep dropping, the gate I had left open had blown shut. She sat on the other side of the fence watching me, looking cute (the dog was looking cute, not the dog watching me, looking cute) cute, but dumb as dog droppings (again the dog, not me)
As I moved down the edge of the fence, a creature larger than the abominable snowman and more fierce than Cujo leapt from the long grass and hurtled away at the speed of summer lightening. In its path is disturbed another Cujo like creature and they both, realising I was out numbered, paused and turned.
Their evil, beady eyes settled on me and they glanced at each other, one with a smirk as if to say "you know, we can take her, she doesn't have a chance, she's out numbered!!!!" they stayed and faced me down, alert, with evil intent in their eyes. Cue music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHbizE2_Ngk&feature=related
The mexican stand off begins. The tension builds, we stare at each other, only our eyes move as we squint, shaping up to each other, neither wanting to move first….
Then, in a fraction of a second, I snap- "cut out this s$#@ I've got reports to read!! You damn hares, spread the word! I'M COMING AND HELLS COMING WITH ME!!!" (line from Kurt Russell in Tombstone) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0ndsXVaPwc&feature=related
At my first screech, they bolt! One running so close to the dumb but cute looking dog, that I thought it was "The End" then I remember it is my dog. My beautiful, well behaved, (dumb), did I say beautiful and well behaved Labrador.
"Yeah!" I shout to their retreating furry ears "spread the word!!!!"
Damn I need a wine!
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