The following are snippets from actual CV’s I have received this round for a teaching job.
“ I like to have my class a neutering environment”
(holy hell! That’s a bit harsh!??)
“I enjoy good relations with people at work”
(relations…..????)
I have a passion to associate with the young learners
(phraseology is everything.)
With a growing role
(I have a growing girth but I am not going to put it on my CV)
I have an understanding of curiculim
(let me guess, literacy is your strength?)
Most distinguished Principal
(I thought distinguished was a euphemism for OLD! Into the no pile.)
Dear Principle
(Hmmmm, which one? Dear Honesty? Dear Integrity? Dear Faithfulness?
Dear Sir/Madam
(most days Madam…..)
I enjoy my church life and my love for Jesus
(I enjoy rugby and shouting at the TV……)
Money doesn't matter for me, I just need a chance
(yes, I need a chance too. A chance to find out money can’t buy me happiness. Lotto!!)
I have applied for the entrant level position in your school
(this position is doorman. When can you start?)
Curriculu
(next page)
m Vitae
(next page)
For
(next page)
Drum roll please……….
Please accept this letter as an expression of my genuine interest in continuing my teaching career at The Gardens School.
(Oh Lord! Is she here and we haven’t noticed?)
Wrote Functional Specification on Branch Table Maintenance for OSCAR EBS Germany Project which aimed to maintain/authorize transactions (Anti-Money Laundering, Instruments, GL account, Transaction Pricing, Denominations, etc.) and assigned role and entitlements on all users (Tellers, Branch Managers, Back Office, Citiphone, Sales Force, etc.)
(and then you decided you wanted to teach five year olds?)
I believe having a sense of humour is one of three main attributes all teachers need.
(end of paragraph; no further reference to what the other 2 could be????? Is it multi choice??)
With my class, I will.
This is like me deciding to go on a diet. This time I will (insert appropriate caption)
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