It's A Funny, Funny World!!: Seriously?

Driving in Vietnam is like being stuck inside a video game. Especially night driving. There appears to be no rules at all and at times there are no road markings. The video should have started about 1/2 hour earlier when it really was insane. Next time.

People toot to tell you that they are there, but not in an angry way. There doesn’t appear to be any road rage or annoyance and things mostly move quite fluidly. Everyone goes along in quite a sedate manner until you hit what must be the more major roads and then it is a much fast game, by the same rules.

In NZ we count dead possums on the road, or yellow cars to pass the time on a road trip, but here it is a whole new ball game!

I need Angus here, but if there were rules to the driving in Vietnam game, this would have to be some of them from what I have seen here on the roads. These are not made up scenarios.

Any one in the vehicle can gather points. Go!

Five Point Items

Pass a driver on a motorbike - Should be able to rack up heaps of points on this alone!

Pass a driver carrying one other passenger DOUBLE POINTS

Pass a driver carrying two other passengers TRIPLE POINTS

Pass a rider carrying three other passengers etc. etc points wize, until you lose your imagination about how many people you can actually get on one motorbike.

Ten Point Items

Pass a driver:

Carrying a child too young to hold up their own head

Carrying three or more generations

With baby strapped on to driver. At the back, minus 2, at the front, plus 2. I know which I think would be safer and when I say ‘strapped’ that is a loose phrasing.

Riding against traffic on either side of the road, or both.

In suit and tie. Double points for crocs or slides instead of shiny shoes

Missing large and vital pieces of the bike. Brakes optional.

Twenty Point Items:

Pass a driver:

Unable to be seen due to being swamped with the load he is carrying

With two side saddle carriers 1 cubic metre, each full of what appears to be supplies for a restaurant. No wrapping included

With trailer over 1.5 m long

Eating. Bonus points if it is with chopsticks.

Wearing a pink shirt, pink shorts, pink shoes and pink bike

Carrying a big box under one arm that prevents use of the brakes

Fifty Point Items:

Pass a driver:

Carrying a freezer. Chest.

Carrying 5m of roofing iron

Carrying a pile of 4m plastic conduit

With view hindered by boxes stacked between legs and using chest to balance the load

With absolutely no skin showing. Bonus points if gown is flapping and likely to get caught in said motorbike.

With a passenger side saddle and on their phone. Bonus points if both hands on the phone

Who has a child standing on a box in front to see over the steering handles

With a full front carrier blowing ash or soil onto driver

Overtaking a break neck speed with no regard for anyone else

Carrying a passenger with a broken leg, sticking out into the traffic.

With a piece of furniture on board. Bonus points if there is also a matching carpet. Additional if 1.5 or larger and rolled. Lose points if the rolled carpet takes out another rider from behind whilst in your view.

Hundred Point Items:

Pass a driver:

Who looks like Hannibal Lecter, in the mask.

With plumbing fittings including a full toilet suite

With a crotch full of cabbage leaves in a bag that comes up to chest height

With a passenger holding boobs of driver. Bonus points if additional riders in same pose.

Carrying a pet. Double points if pet is in a clear plastic bag, or frothing at the mouth

Five Hundred Point Items:

Pass a driver:

Riding parallel to road in wasteland and keeping pace with traffic

With driving that causes any other driver to change expression

Who you know is there, but can’t see him for the smoke from the truck in front