Damn You Auto Correct.

Since the drivers license this new found freedom has been embraced and Alex heads off without my having to run around after her (or get up at the crack of dawn)  part of me loves it.  The other part hates every moment!  I want control!  I accept that I need to  attend Control Freaks Anonymous, but I still want it!!

I have tried to remind (nag) Alex that she needs to tell me she has arrived certain places, especially when she leaves well before dawn to go to rowing.  She, for a variety of reasons- all interesting, some amusing and some even plausible, regularly forgets.

I worry.  Its what Mums do.

In the last two weeks, I have become a txt stalker.  (see how cool I have become saying txt instead of text?? It's a big step for me!!)

Txt 6.39am "are you there yet?"         Better be, should have been there before six
Txt 7.01pm "So you are upside down in a ditch, I take it?"

Reply 8.21am "I am here.  Sorry i was late"

Two days later- txt 6.47am "So, same ditch or different ditch?"
8.50am  Reply "I txt u when I got to school"                - Yeah right!

The next rowing morning-

txt 6.24 am "there yet?
Txt 7.12am "Kooooszio"
Txt 7.21am "What is that?"  Yes, if you have worked out the pattern, txt means I sent it.     I had sent the weird Koooszio and then asked what it meant.  At that hour of the morning I can't blame the drink!

Next day I was prepared, so as she left I txt her
Txt-5.17am "don't forget to text"
Txt 6.25am "Alex???"
Txt 8.20am "Next time you forget, you lose the car of 3 days, this is not good enough alex"

Then!!  only 3 days later!

Txt 6.16 "so how are you getting to rowing for the next 3 days"

I don't think I am unreasonable (although others in my house do!!!) I think I am winning.

This morning, I got a txt that she had arrived, but no goodbye as she left, just gone.

Then a cryptic txt arrives from Alex at 7.53 "I am sadly walking to skewl"

What the...?????  I ring.
"What?  What is wrong??  Why are you sad??  Why are you sadly walking to school?"  a little panic hysteria creeping in.  I can hear it in my own voice.  Something is wrong!

"No Mum, that should say safely- safely walking to school.  You told me to txt,  I'm txting- I just can't win, can I?"
Damn you auto-correct!!

A Bottle Not Found

I had developed a bit of a 'maybe it is, maybe it isn't' sore throat.  I decided to buy a sipper pump bottle so that I could at least sooth it with frequent drinks, without too much hassle.

I put it in our fridge and in the deep, dark recesses of the night decided it would be just the trick to help me out with the mini microwave burn working away in the back of my throat.  I went to the fridge and......NOT THERE.  I put it there, I knew it was there and yet.....??

Alex had rowing in the morning so that evening I asked her about my sipper bottle.

"Do you know where my water bottle is?"  I ask

"Yes, I have it."

"why do you have it?" 

Teenage logic - " I didn't have one!"

" But it was mine"  I reply

"Yes, but I didn't have one"

"I bought it for myself"

"Yes, but I didn't have one"  eyework that suggest mother is a moron!

"Yes, that's fine, but I bought it for myself"

"But I didn't have one, my old one is wrecked, I didn't have a drink bottle"   all this like she is talking to a half wit, almost whispered, moving up really close.

" I didn't have one"  she says (if she squeezes my cheeks, I swear I will punch her)

"BUT! ITS! MINE!"

"Oh Mum!"  (insert rueful chuckle)  " you just have to learn to ssshhhhaaarrreee!"  All said with the conviction of an Amway soaked, evangelist found, backwater hippy on prozac!  "Just share"  she drawls with a whisper (mostly for dramatic effect) and I have to wonder,  am I being had?  By someone much smarter?  Have the aliens invaded my teenager?

Grand Gestures

I guess because Mothers have always been the solvers of all problems- large, small, imaginary....... it is to Mothers that we turn when it all hits the fan.

Last week Alex was involved in a sports tournament.  The night before she was as organised as could possibly ever be imagined, bags packed, lunch made, drink bottle in the fridge- she was good to go in the morning.  And go she did. 

An hour later by urgent text "forgot lunch'

"I'll bring it"

"water 2"

I decided to ring and talk- it's quicker!

Mother "Oh darling, you were so organised, what a shame, blah, blah"

Child  "Yeah, I know"  After ruling out the buy lunch option-

Mother  "I will bring your lunch to you.  Where are you playing?"

Child  " Waitakere Trust Stadium" 

FOR REAL?????  Imagine, if you will, a city, to the furtherest reaches of the south a mother toils at her job.  At the extreme west end of the city a daughter realises she has forgotten lunch.  Imagine the harbour that means the mother has to go to the centre of the city to then go the the western extreme.....! 

Next grand gesture.  Saturday morning, rowing

Text from strange phone number "my keys are in Hamilton'

"What?"

"on trailer to Hamilton"

How?  What?  Why? again, I phone only this time to a strange number.  Alex answers. 
How?
What?
Why?

Apparently it is 'easier' to just throw your keys on the trailer as you come in to the rowing sheds!!!  The trailer left, on its way to Hamilton.

So my Saturday is shot.  I cancel the vet who is doing a home visit for our ancient cat.  I re-organise the day and take the keys.  When I get there, the gate is locked so I have to walk (as if from South to West)  She is out on the water so I leave the keys with a random coach and hope to heck this is sorted as I race off to do all the jobs lined up.

I have concluded that Mothers are the only people you can go to for the grand gesture, they will bring you your lunch, pick you up if you are sick, deliver spare keys, pick up forgotten phones, buy you things that their best judgement says 'NO'.  Mothers- if you have one, look after them!

Drinking and Driving

This past weekend she was invited to a 16th birthday party.  In my uncool way, I managed to make all things bad!

The big decision related to whether to stay the night at a friends house or to have me pick her up, since she can't drive after 10pm on a restricted.

We discussed options-

"okay, if you pick me up, I can drink"   -what???  where???  when??  Who said anything about drinking????

"What were you planning to drink?"  Cool, non-judgemental, as if THAT was going to happen!!!

"Well, the other kids will be drinking but if I stay at Courtney's, I will have to drive to rowing in the morning, so I won't be able to drink"   Where is this logic coming from??

"how much were you planning to drink?"

"you know that MUM!  you told me I could have 1 beer"  that is true but I had thought she would be at least 35 when that happened!!

"So, (relying on earlier logic) you won't be able to drink if you have to drive to rowing in the morning (that whole 1 beer) so what would you like to do?"

" Well...... if you come and get me, what time will you come?"

"That is easy, the invitation says it finishes at 11.30."

" That doesn't mean you come at 11.30!!"

"In my world it does!!!!"  What is it with kids and time and good manners????

"okay" comes the reply.... " I think I would be better to stay at Courtney's"  BINGO, BULLS EYE and other celebrationery statements!!  Sensible parents collecting her, no drinking because she has to drive the next day and less worry for me about collecting her from the other side of town at close to midnight.  Also- I won't be the uncool parent who arrives at the right time to collect her!!!

"so" I say,  based on earlier teenage logic "you won't be able to have that 1 beer because you have to drive to rowing in the morning and the restricted license is now zero alcohol"

" I KNOW Mum!!  Do you think I don't understand these things?"


I love and value the innocence and know it won't be forever but bless the seriousness of my child!

And All of a Sudden, the Season is Over!

Our last game of the season.  The torture is over!!  :)

It is hard to feel disheartened when the girls in the team are so delightful....... and so oblivious.  I have cut and pasted this report from my game summary back to the sports manager at the school (for your reading pleasure)




We had a fantastic game with Steph scoring her first goal of the season  (with much celebration- even from the boys teams waiting to play next) she was reasonably cool about it, only clapping herself briefly.   Out of no where, Yoanna scored a three pointer!!  Then ran to hug Ashleigh and danced around and then thumbs up to Steph and Alex.  During this celebration the opposition bought the ball in, down the court and scored.  The girls didn’t notice they were too absorbed in their excitement.  In the dying seconds of the game, Alicia scored her first goal of the season and the gymnasium erupted with everyone clapping and cheering and jumping around.   Alicia did a dance of celebration which actually involved her lifting her arms above her head, which has not happened a lot this season and everyone high 5-ed each other- including the opposition.  Alicia’s grin lit up the room for the rest of the time we were there.

The girls were delighted at the end of the game and after much admiration of each others skills and replaying of their best moves, they agreed that this had been the best game of the season.

None of this is made up.  




The score was 77.......................... to 7 

A Basketball Post- for Kate.

I have been a martyr this year.  Alex's school needed a basketball coach and once upon a time, in a previous life, I had been an athlete with a more than passing knowledge of basketball.  They knew that.  A little applied pressure, moments of 'you don't spend any time with me' pressure and I caved. 

I was the official coach of the Open Girls Basketball team.

Sounds high level, with your own team physio type stuff.  It was not.

My team, except for Alex are beginners.  I quickly realise I have done her NO favours volunteering.  She should not be in this team- but hey! They needed a coach.

My sweet, lovely, beginner, private school, white girls are playing in a South Auckland competition in the Open competition against girls who could be up to 19 and make me look slim and athletic!!!  The opposition teams would enable someone to make squillians of dollars from culture and class lessons!!  We began with some optimism.

We get our arse kicked.  Our worse was 136 -  6

Sometimes when we finally get a goal, my girls jump and clap.  I jump and clap.  I tell them how good they are going.  They are not but we are excited that the ball finally went in!!!.

Some of my best coaching lines- (I should be selling this motivational stuff!!!!!!)

Pass it to people wearing BLUE!  You are in the BLUE team!
Stop crying! You are not being MEAN if you contact them- that is the game!
I know we are getting whipped, but just imagine THEM in ball gowns????
It's okay, you only have to go on for another 15 minutes...it'll be okay?????!
Lets try to get the ball over half way this quarter!
This one, said excitedly-   It's the last quarter- we can double the score!!!  (2 to 4!)
Its not how good you are playing, it is how good you look!!!!  (thanks Peg!)
Man!  You guys have improved SOOOO much!
Okay, our aim for this quarter is to make sure we only pass to our own team
Remember that thing we practiced where you look and then pass...?
Seriously?  You don't want to go on???
Stay away from that enormous, stroppy one with tattoos,  that keeps swearing
Just don't get hurt or bruised! (this the week before their school ball)
Try to remember when you stop bouncing, you can't start again.....
I think we could have won this one if......(insert utter lies and positive ups)
STOP SAYING SORRY!  You haven't done anything when you bump into them.

When I come to work after a game, I regale Kate with the Mighty Ducks basketball atrocity and she laughs. 

Doesn't she realise this is SERIOUS!!  I take losing VERY badly but we are seriously out of our league and someone elses league and the league of nations and 20 000 leagues under the sea and any other league ever invented!!!

I meet one of these sweet, lovely girls' mothers the other day for the first time, she told me how much her daughter had enjoyed playing basketball.........

I had no reply.

The Totally Brilliant, One Hundred Dollar Plan.

"I have hidden $100 in your room and if you clean it, you might find it."

Totally brilliant plan that I imagined would lead to frenzied emptying, cleaning, moving, sorting......."

All that happened was she spent more time than normal in her room and the array of floordrobe items changed on an hourly basis.  A week passed.

"Where have you put it?  Can you give me a hint?  I have cleaned evvvveeerrryyytttthhhiiinnnnggggg.  Pleeeeeeeease Muuuuuummmmmmmmm?

"It's in there.  When you clean properly, you will find it"  - yes, cryptic and firm.  I high five myself!

More cleaning, more consternation.   The drawers get new labels, I can see the top of the dressing table- waahooo!  I am winning??? 

The weeks pass and the room is in varying stages ranging from average to foul cleanliness.  My bribe has run its course so I take it back. 

Now, my true error- I tell her I have taken it.

"WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN MY MONEY?? That is not fair, you have taken MY money and you said I could have it.  You always do this!  You took MY money."  My head nods, I appear to listen.  I vaguely hear all the regulars trotted out (mean, unfair, uncool, strict- did I mention uncool?)

but I am busy planning how I am going to spend my newly acquired $100.

For my next trick I am going to tell her I have hidden a 800kg Bull in her room and if she decides to air the room by opening the windows or the french doors one day, she might find it......